still searching

Last Night I dreamt,

That somebody loved me

No hope no harm

Just another false alarm.

-The Smiths.

To find yourself lonely in your life.Its always the worst thing. I've compared it to many situations and believe me .. I have not felt much worse. I do not know where I am going to end up in this silly life but I know I crave for something more meaningful than what I have acquired. My days are very routine lacking comfort. I find myself restless in normal situations. I search for anything to help me forget things that I want. I no longer want to believe in fairy tales.

I want reality to kick me hard and show me better ways to accomplish my dreams. Although these things sound logical .... most of the time I struggle to see sanity in any of my actions.

I used to laugh at everything and wish for everything now I realize humor is not always true and wishing does not make it happen.

New chapters of my life have started. I believe now more than ever that fate is complete 110% real. I found myself curious this summer when I went searching for missing pieces to my life. To my surprise I found I have two half siblings Robert and Leena. By chance I booked my flight to New Mexico and things began falling into place. Before I knew it I was holding a box ... a small symbol that showed me no matter how much you believe the past does not effect your future you are wrong. I will not be able to explain the importance of this box in words. I just feel like these people will show me a whole new world and teach me things that I didn't know I was missing. It was a very bitter sweet trip but I am more than thrilled that things turned out the way they did. I'm now also planning another trip this summer across route 66 and along the way I also hope to stop in Denver yet again.