Yikes 2005!

So everyone was out having a great time on new years eve. I however ended home all alone with only my buddy kohl. What the shell happen? Not even sure. So ... There was a few parties that I didn't attend. One infact I will be telling people later I attended but meh... its not true. It was really kinda sad that I just sat at home. I didnt even feel like I was welcome to be with my friends and family this year. I know that sounds stupid but its true they all have their own lives and stuff now. Kohl loves me though it might be the ax to his head that made him really learn to love me but ... he does. I was happy though Jake did cheer me up alot cause he kept sending me text messages. I think thats awesome of him. Made me kinda lonely but psh... its the thought that counts. So... New Years day wasn't too bad. I went out and saw the new house my mom bought. Interesting. It needs alot of work but she is going to get to do whatever she wants to it so thats kinda cool. I think its really sad how much I don't miss my childhood. I never wish to relive the days when I was there. Its most likely not the best feelings to have towards your past but... its something. I did finally get a new phone. so thats always a good thing cause now I can call all my people if needed. Most likely I won't do that either. Last night was Jesus Bags Birthday! Once again Happy BIRTHDAY JESUS Bag! Anyhow for her Birthday we went out to try to see Meet the Fockers. It didn't work out for us cause the theater was sold out. So instead we ended up seeing Mike and Bert at work. They made us food. Mike talked about how lame my hair looked. :( meh.. its just that way. Oh yeah and apparently God is going to call Jesus and I sometime. Can't wait I have alot of questions for him. Ha ha! So after that Tony wanted us to go get him some cds bad mistake. We were almost blinded by the whores in the van next to us getting it on. SO NOT RIGHT!! At least if you are going to be that way in public be hot. Golly gee folks. So once we threw those off to him. we saw Jenny Hicks cause she is our pal. We all laughed for maybe an hour or less? who was keeping tabs? Lol anyhow ... it was alot of random nonsense. After that Jesus and I went to walmart to see if we couldn't find that dick kid but it didn't work out so we left and decided we need new friends! So today I had to babysit Breanna all day long. It was a interesting time. We had some fun and ate some Ramen noodles together cause Ramen is what real friends are made of! So ... then I chatted it up with Bert for a moment to tell him how dumb I am then... I just hungout in my house for the evening. Psh... and I am so stupid. I thought I had to work tomorrow but no not til TUESDAY! Can you believe this crap? So... i won't be working tomorrow. No reason for it. I did talk to Richard tonight and he called me a dork? like he has room to speak. Psh.. If I am a dork its cause I learned it from you! Just kidding or am I? either way its not important. I am slowly realizing there are so many moments in life you just let pass you by and you don't realize how much they mean until they are no longer your routine. I miss certain people so much sometimes I feel like I can't live without them. Somehow I always manage. I mean ... Its so hard sometimes to realize that you can't keep living in just one moment. I sometimes wish that I could stop time and completely absorb the whole surrounding area that way I never forget the thoughts I had at that second or the way the lights were bouncing off from people or the saftey I felt or the exact temperature of my skin or so many other small details that you would kill to relive from time to time. Its just all so frusterating when the thing you remember the most is being stuck in the dark, all alone, in the cold, feeling insecure. Its just not something you want to be so familiar with. Ah... so for now these are my misguided thoughts. I hope to keep you posted when something changes. Love~Ruth