Well I ended up here.

So tonight I type here because once again I am finding there is no where else. Today was work once again it seems to be at the top of my list to everyones surprise. I am finding myself slowly leaning toward becoming a really boring person. I know hard to belive this Ninja is taking a break from fun.The weather around the world has been strange and making me wonder what the shell is going on these days? i mean one minute its winter and the next its like freakin spring. Who would have guessed? The other day I read some really great things that made me think "Let me tell you a secret, something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be more lovely than you are now. We will never be here again" Which to me makes alot of sense on why they envy us but the reason why this mortal envys those gods is because they have all the time in the world to find everything they ever dream of. We however are stuck with the confusion of figuring out what we want first which also wastes so much time that by the time we figure out anything we know we want for sure ... life is over either that or you get what you thought you always wanted and find yourself unsatisfied. Imagine that. "of all of Gods creatures, man is the ONLY one to inflict pain on its own time merely for the PLEASURE of doing it" - Winston Churchhill. I enjoy this quote because I honestly believe its the truth with all of my soul. Its the painful truth which many of us tend not to see until we ourselves have lived to tell a sad tale about being hurt. Psh... its all just jibberish .. I go on to tell you that I have been just spending tons more time collecting my thoughts. They are never good collected thoughts. I was however glad that Jenny and I go places now days because she still can make me laugh and I really love that. Today I took a personality test that i found to be rather interesting but ...I also decided to trust it could be an error of judgement.It ranked the things I value automatically with my answers and in order starting with my top rank on down I will list them. My Pride,Family, Career, Money, and last but not least LOVE! So if that tells you anything more about me other than I would rather be greedy with my pride and have a career than Love. Congrats you have just found out why I am so demented. Psh... Anyhow if thats not troubling enough. I talked to Jake a few days ago. He is tiring of me. I can tell because its what we do go back and forth about stupid things until one of us stops picking up the phone for awhile. If it were up to me he would be the one person I wish I wouldn't have ever gotten close to cause really I know he has to be hurting just as much if not more than me. Its so stupid the way the world has to work in order for us all to survive and everytime you think you are going to die of a broken heart it just never works out for you. So psh.. I also decided it is much better to live and die happy than to live but never really live at all because you are too AFRAID OF LIFE. Thats pretty much where I see I am now. So if I was to die young it wouldn't be like I was already living so nothing to really fear but if I had something to lose you can bet I would give it my best to remain here. Ah so a few days ago I bumpped into Erik aka Sunshine. Man talk about distant. Psh I couldn't even tell if we were still able to see each other. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like that but others it just kills me how bad it is. There is nothing worst than wanting a person to be able to look at you and read your mind when you are standing just a few steps away. Well it never works that way unless there isn't that distance. I feel horrible though because I never would have risked losing such a good friend if I could have seen how we would be today.I mean I would kill to just be able to get back the friend that I once had. There for awhile he really did help me because he could show me two sides to every story and it didn't seem like a task to listen to the otherside and learn to accept it but now especially with my mom there is only my side because anytime I try to understand her side It makes me really mad and frusterated. Weather he knew it or not he was the reason I gave her a second chance cause he yelled at me everytime I was being a fool. Lol and sometimes thats something you need people to do. Today I got an email from Ren. She really makes me laugh sometimes cause she has no idea how much the whole being just Ren matters to me. I like it better when I know she is doing great. Last night we spent our time hangingout with Tony at his apartment. we were having fun but I had to leave and get up at freakin 5am. Psh not cool. Oh yeah and we met up with Bert for a brief moment and someone jacked his antenna topper NOT COOL! I talked to Shaun Collins once er twice and ah.. he is a worker. I know he really doesn't think its cool that we never hangout but makes it that much more fun for the next time. I can't help it either that I have a job that keeps me busy as well. Ah.. stupid Ruth should be sleeping cause I mentioned breakfest to Jenny but who knows if I will make it.I guess Richards Wife is home now so thats really cool. I hope one day we all get to meet cause ah .. I think he is hiding us or something afraid she will think we are dorks which we are but he doesn't want to let her know he has taken us out a few times. Lol. I also feel bad cause Jesus had a birthday awhile ago and freakin we can't make any plans to celebrate cause one of us always has to work. Zach Sutton had a birthday too. Psh everyone except me. lol.. its okay I intend to stay young forever until old age slaps me when I am 49! This week I have also heard so many stories from my Grandma that tell me how she is who she became today. They make me laugh but I can't believe some of them. I don't know if I have the guts to do half the things she has done in her life. Yikes. Lots to live up to. The day before yesterday my Mom and I got into a huge snowball fight and I was winning til she "accidently" Hit me in the nose. IT really HURT!! I was kinda mad cause I didn't defend myself. yeah and my brothers and I still dont seem to get along very well. I don't know what the deal is with Lloyd because I mean I really try but he is always mad at me for something and normally then he just yells until he gets mad and storms out or I lock myself in my room. Jay will never be the brother he could have been to me because he is just not able to set aside his bad habbits and selfishness to care about anyone else. He always thinks he is the victim in any situation and that everyone should feel sorry for him. Well not going to happen here.On wednesday we went to meet up with all my Grandmothers friends like we normally do on wednesday mornings and ... She told them all she found my husband. You know how much this makes me laugh, She can't just decide some stranger is just going to walk up and be marrying me because she say so. I love her but her ideas sometimes ... just don't workout as she intends. Tonight I was asking her how to spell squirrel and she was on the otherside of the room and she thought I said FOIL. I was like yes Grandma FOIL!ah you gotta love her though cause it really is funny.I have not however talked much to Shaun Bowe this week because for some reason I have nothing to say and when I do he never replies. I think I lost yet another friend. I suppose thats what happens to everyone.My dog has been doing better and he isn't running into so many things which is a really good thing because I thought there for awhile he was going to cause himself more brain damage. I have not heard from Levi at all. I kinda wish I would but he is always so busy doing his own thing. I know he can't just drop everything to call and have meaningless conversations about NOTHING but still its kinda nice to pick up the phone to recognize the voice of someone you really think is aweome and its even better when they remember to call you just because they wanted to.We had some great times together and I hope one day we will be able to catch up and repeat some of them. Not all lol cause somethings are a once in a life time deal.I am kinda stressing out about getting another job and paying for my car right now. really not cool and ah to go to college would be a really big thing to. I so want to learn about everything but I don't want to have to sit in a classroom full of sucky people and be lectured all day. I guess I will have to to wait and see. So ... For now I am going to get going I am tired from working all day and lack of sleep last night so there is no sense in adding another sleepless night.
G'Night.