Cluttered thoughts.

• Wow what crazy days I've had lately. I do feel a bit accomplished though because holy shamrocks I worked at the market and I have now sold over 100 dollars worth of Shamrocks for Jerrys MDA Foundation. I feel like time is slowly gaining and pretty soon I will be 92 and still have nothing else but shamrocks to show for it.

I'm glad to report though that the weather is looking up once in awhile. It was 44 degrees on our car temp and we had lots of rain instead of snow!!

• I am curious what will happen with my Chorus because our fantastic Director just got a new job which ment she had to move up north some place. Tuesday was extremely difficult and I belive that she will find nothing but good things along her new adventures. She was an amazing director and I've learned so much as well as found a friend.

• Zane is supposed to drop in town for a quick bit with that sweet sweet little baby of his. I can not wait!! Shes my favorite little girl ever!!

• I hope tomorrow is as fun as today turned out to be.
  

To my surprise.

Its actually certainly sad how often I've looked at my phone and checked my messages lately. It seems to be invisible to the world is not that difficult. I have tried to occupy the mind but it has turned into not having enough to do that would not involve other people. Perhaps tomorrow will be more success.

Its been snowing for forever now.

Today was another cold winter day

Thankfully though because I am blessed

After work... My family and I had a quick gathering

My Uncle is yet another year older. Ha lucky man!!

still searching

Last Night I dreamt,

That somebody loved me

No hope no harm

Just another false alarm.

-The Smiths.

To find yourself lonely in your life.Its always the worst thing. I've compared it to many situations and believe me .. I have not felt much worse. I do not know where I am going to end up in this silly life but I know I crave for something more meaningful than what I have acquired. My days are very routine lacking comfort. I find myself restless in normal situations. I search for anything to help me forget things that I want. I no longer want to believe in fairy tales.

I want reality to kick me hard and show me better ways to accomplish my dreams. Although these things sound logical .... most of the time I struggle to see sanity in any of my actions.

I used to laugh at everything and wish for everything now I realize humor is not always true and wishing does not make it happen.

New chapters of my life have started. I believe now more than ever that fate is complete 110% real. I found myself curious this summer when I went searching for missing pieces to my life. To my surprise I found I have two half siblings Robert and Leena. By chance I booked my flight to New Mexico and things began falling into place. Before I knew it I was holding a box ... a small symbol that showed me no matter how much you believe the past does not effect your future you are wrong. I will not be able to explain the importance of this box in words. I just feel like these people will show me a whole new world and teach me things that I didn't know I was missing. It was a very bitter sweet trip but I am more than thrilled that things turned out the way they did. I'm now also planning another trip this summer across route 66 and along the way I also hope to stop in Denver yet again.