cure for insomnia is Unexplained FEAR

This morning I awoke to the skipping of my own heartbeat. I had been so peaceful throughout the night then I found myself dreaming the most morid things about myself and the people I love. I was completely confused as to if I was finding myself caught up in horrible reality or if it was all a dream. When I finally caught myself from the horrible trama I was in a panic thinking it was all too real to have been something I just dreamt. I still have no idea what made my night turn so miserable but I feel as if I was going through a long battle that I lost. I still debating as to if maybe it was something I ate or just my morbid mind playing tricks on me. Either way I've never felt so much fear thats all an illusion of my mind.

We were ment to be friends and what about the caribou?

Last week seemed to be some good fun. I went to Tony's apartment for the first time with Jenny. Wow. Fun times.This weekend was very successful. Friday night I went to see the movie Catch and Release which I actually found to be pretty great. I think its going to be among my top 50 favorites. Saturday although I worked a bit it was mostly about Shannon. We celebrated her 22nd birthday. To start off the night we went to Build a bear which actually seemed kinda childish at first but turned out fun. After that we went to dinner at Cheese Burger Paradise. It was pretty fantastic. We had a table of 11 and lots of fun!! After that it was back to shannons apartment where I could play guitar hero and watch my pals be lushious!! lol. We had so much fun that I forgot to sleep til 8am. We also learned that Caribou are apparently the same as Reindeer? Who knew? Yup... Sunday was a lazy day. Which ment I did nothing... and more Nothing it was AMAZING!
Today I work again and I get to go see my P/t Pete. So it shouldn't be so much that you feel to much envy. :D

3 little words

Guys sadly I am still not really going many places. I'm busy doing nothing of importance and its driving me insane. I've spent sometime catching up with a few "OLD" friends. Lol we are only in our 20s so how old could they be?
Anyways catching up with old friends I realize how much time does change so many things but yet the important ones stay the same. Sometimes people seem almost as if they've avoided the change all together. I'd like to be one of those people. To be untouched by time almost makes you untouchable all together. In ways its unpersonal like maybe if you distance yourself from people you care about you will only know their surface characteristics and then they will always appear unaltered to you because there personality appears the same from a distance. Meh ... who knows ?? I am just rambling here.
I am currently awaiting to chat with someone I didn't realize ment so much still. I mean once I've begain caring about someone that part of you never really goes away no matter how much you try to hide it or distance yourself there is always a curious part of your heart that jumps back and makes you hesitate to ask what there life without me has been like? sometimes you hope it hasn't been anything special without you but most of the time you want the best for them. No matter what you hope they are happy without you and you some how manage to survive. Well reality smacked me around a bit lately to realize maybe sometimes a certain small wish that you never speak comes true and it comes right back at you when you least expect it.
Currently in life I'm boring doing nothing and Smack... there is past reminding me of my wishes from so long ago. Now there is a choice to make between living in the past or the future. Either way its going to be hard because I live in the present and I care about my future. Most of you say automatically take a step forward but sometimes you have to step back to leap forward. Its all just strange but ...

Unexpectedly you could be told three little words which ... honestly seperate they haven't got near as much meaning but all combined to say I LOVE YOU is a huge meaning.
Sadly I am one of those people who rarely says those 3 magic words because its too personal sometimes. How could you say such words and it not mean much?
Normally if its spoken from my mouth its oh I love you in the way of your such a good little friend and I love you like a friend. Which hey I would give the world to my friends cause they mean so much but ... I love you in way that you're the only one for me and I can't survive without you by my side has never once been spoken by me. Even if I have once felt that close saying it is a whole different ball game.
So I am baffled because last night I was unexpectedly told I love you by a good friend which was not strange until it got a whole new meaning on top of it. I love you and you're the girl for me? Thats a bit much.
I honestly didn't expect it at all and now I am still trying to rationalize was it the painkillers I took making me delirious or was that for real?
I do care about this person but I've never thought that the feelings were at all headed in that direction on his behalf?
Its a complicated little situation I've found myself in because I wasn't at all ready for that and honestly there is more than just us involved. so yeah ... lol what to do I am unsure of at the moment but maybe sometime I will figure it out.
Good news ... I can kinda use my foot more. Its still hurting like a mother but .. I think its gonna be okay. I have some cheesy book from my grandma to read. I feel bad I was like I am bored just get a book or something and she couldn't really find much besides cheesy romance novels which I really kinda hate lol. Instead she got some book about friendship or something. She was trying so the least I can do is attempt to read it with some kind of serious face.

ah... that makes me not happy

So in news ... I just read something about taking more voice from the people and granting it to congress...
Go figure. http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53813
I just find this rather disturbing. No one can laugh just to laugh anymore. There is always someone else that is offended.

In other news today was my first day back to work... which ha .. wasn't completely great but ay, what can you expect from a "TUMBLEWEED"

Oh and I am hoping to see be able to catch all the new movies that have won for the golden globes but a movie I am so excited to watch is Catch and Release. It looks good. Hopefully it turns out well.

For now I must rest. More Painkillers and ICE!! :)

Those mirical workers

Alright so I've been held up for days in my house icing and putting my foot to the sky. what the world... I have these crutches which are supposed to help. I've tripped more on the crutches than hopping on one foot. Its so hard. I don't get it maybe just the athletic type are supposed to use them I don't know but its lame. I've fallen more trying to use those things than just hopping on one leg. Hopefully soon I will just be able to walk about again. Its really looking so much better than before. Hope all is great with you guys. Later

Oh clumsy me.

Ha... yet again I have a sad story for all of you but the good news is ... I'm gonna make it. The bad news is ... I got crutches. Darn it.
So last night when I was working at the bar I somehow managed to turn my back and fall down ONE STEP and twist my ankle. YES great idea on my part because then I worked the rest of the night limping like a reject and by the time I was done working it was 3am and I spent the rest of the morning in the Er. Yes ... I am so very excited I finally got a pair of crutches and I am not able to walk at all.. They said nothing was broken but ... it hurts like sin and its really really HUGE and black. I feel like I am pulling a reverse MJ. Except I like the big boys instead. LOL!! ah thats not right but anyhow its taking some hard work to accomplish even this post because as I've said a million times before I am clumsy ... and even after they gave me the crutches at the Er they saw me attempting to get to the car and ran to get a wheelchair afraid I would hurt myself before making it to the car. So ... hopefully god loves me and I can make it without further injury. :) Take care of yourselves!!!

What to do when a Senior attacks, We care about the squirrels, some survery and unhuggable.

sorry I am so busy I need vacation from taking my vacation. I got home just in time to be screwed with a extremely heavy work load and I haven't had time to collect my thoughts at all let alone make enough sense of them to try to make you people understand.
So I learned yesterday when a person of a certain age attacks you the only thing you can do is pick yourself off the ground smile and look surprised like yes I am a fool thankyou. Yeah ... Grandma pushed me down in our garage. lol. Okay maybe she didn't really push me but she might as well have. I fell and we had an old t.v. out there so I decided it'd be a great thing to hold on to the television for dear life to prevent worst injury I guess. Instead of my Grandma helping me up she just busted out in pure laughter and left me laying on the floor. How is that friendly? I thought she loved me. Darn it.

The local paper just posted this article this week about how our squirrels are too fat and that they consume only fatty foods so now that we have warm weather they are Dangerously LARGE!! IT was funny to me anyways but really the best part was that our paper made it front page news. What is the world coming to??

Ha... Unhuggable? so maybe its just mebecause either I got so many hugs that I can't remember when I was little I tire of them and have no desire or ... my mom didn't hug me enough so I became socially retarted. Either way it seems lately with the holliday season and all people think I want them to hug me. I don't appear as the hugging type and at no time have I said come here and hug me but yet I am the first one they seem to target. Sometimes its okay but most of the time I don't want you to touch me. I don't care if you feel rejected... I just don't like it. The only time I am all for hugging is when I am being a "LUSH" otherwise ... keep your distance for yours and my safety.

EIGHT LASTS:

8. last cigarette: Never

7. last beverage: Water

6. last phone call: Grandma

5. last text message: Ap

4. last cd played: Regina

2. last time you cried: FUNERAL

1. last meal:Mac and cheese

SEVEN have you's:

7. have you ever dated someone twice? Yes sadly

6. have you ever been cheated on?: I don't believe so

5. have you ever been called a bitch? To often

4. have you ever fallen in love?: yes

3. have you ever lost someone? Too many

2. have you ever been depressed? More often than I'd like

1. have you ever peed your pants? Like when I was little I prolly I did.

SIX things you did in the past three days:

1. Went to school: Not for myself

2. Went to work: EVERYDAY

3. Colored: YES I LIKE IT

5. Got drunk: No

6. Slept: hardly

FOUR people you can tell anything to:

1. Grandma

2. Jenny

3.

4.

THREE favorite colors.1. Red

2. Black

3. Blue

list TWO things you want to do before you die -

1.Travel 2. Smile often

So Far In 2007 have you...Made a new friend? yes

Fallen out of love? Don't you have to be in love to fall out

Laughed until you cried? YES

Went behind your parents back? Um... Everything I do is infront of them

Met someone who changed your life? Yes

Gotten close to someone? Not yet

Found out who your true friends were? Um I thought I knew

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

. Bush?: MEH...

. Gay Marriage?: Whatever you wanna do ..

. Lowering the drinking age?: Absolutly not

. Straight, Gay, Bi?:I'm Straight!! but you can do what you want.

. Who is the best kisser that you know? Ha I haven't kissed everyone yet to find out who the best is let me get back to ya on that.

. Do you believe in love at first sight?I haven't fallen that quickly yet.

. Is there something you want to tell someone? Not really

. What brand of shirt are you wearing?: Hot Topic

. How many kids do you want to have? Right now not too many at all.

. Do you wanna change your name?: Not really but if I do it will be NINJA

. What did you do for your last birthday?:Not alot but we made up for it on my fake birthday

. What time did you wake up today? 5am

. What were you doing at midnight this morning? hangingout with Bladen

. Name something you CANNOT wait to do: Grow up... lol and prolly go to vegas in july

. Last time you saw your father? how about can't recall ever?

. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? More education

. Which feature do you like the best about the oppostite sex?Sense of humor

. What are you listening to right now?Not much really just the dryer

. Have you ever donated money to a good cause? Yes

. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? I'm sure I have and I am sure in the end I've told them.

. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? Levi's pants and shirt?

. Who's getting on your nerves right now? Right now just me

. Most visited webpage? Blogger of course

. Coke or Pepsi? either

. Do you have a crush? Nah.

Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? um today is what day... I think my week is up. So No

. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world? Yes

. Do you think there's some models/people out there that should gain a couple pounds? Skinny is good, but too skinny is anorexia

. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends? MOST ALWAYS they are wonderful.

I won't always be so disappointing One Sparkle of your pretty blue eyes and I've got butterflies.You captured a piece of my heart now I don't even know where to startI'm normally not so shy but maybe its been the wrong guy.You want her which messed up whatever we were. Kiss me tease me and whisper all the ways you want to please me.cover me in kisses,I'll show you that you're what I've been missin and for that I will try to grant you all your wishes.Don't misunderstand my silliness its actually more willingness.hold my hand and I will remind you how to be a man.pull me near and help me forget my fear because if you take this chance I promise you will always have the next dance.

Silly photos

I like these pictures
!

4 Three EVERS!

Sincerly I had the most amazing time in Denver. I left just in time to see some snow but not too much and to bring in the new year with some crazy great people!
First off ... I was so scared I was going to be stuck in the airport for days like all the people on t.v. but that was all just the unlucky folk. I arrived to the denver airport on time.
Honestly I was so nervous thinking what in the world am I doing? but then as soon as I looked up the escalator I knew. There stood three people to greet me. At first I was like who are the other folks? but then I was like flippin ay its my Levi!!! So yeah... It was instant. From the moment I ment Shannon and Rob I was like Whoa these people are awesome and they just got cooler by the moment.
The first night I just kicked it like Tae Bo in their apartment and woke up with a stiff neck from sleeping wrong on the futon. It was great to wake up though that next morning with no obligation and nothing but fun ideas. We had a chaos filled night which included some interesting bowling and lets just say .... It got very COLD ;p oh yeah and who remembers what happen next? Lush you say NO WAY! it was a good time though.
Yeah ... I did some dishes and then I decided after Rob was outta work we should all spend quality time down town Denver. so before hitting up the real "DOWN TOWN" I had been rambling on about getting a tattoo. Well they called me out on it and took me to a local shop and we all met JERRY!
Yeah Jerry gave me my first tattoo while 109201984 people were staring at me. I am so disappointed I didn't cry. Its super small but simple and good enough for me to keep it. After that it was time to live life in the fast lane. ha ha ha... we went to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner which was served to us by a cute little man named NINJA! it was fate!! That hottie was ment to be mine! lol... The count down was on and the streets were so full. I LOVED IT!
We had so much fun until we were surounded by police officers... I didn't like that so much. From then on it was just interesting times... which ha who needs to know em.jk.
The Police did nothing but shine lights at us and then send us on our way but it kinda made the night seem lame so I slept it off.
I spent one night curled up on the futon by Levi just watching THE NOTEBOOK while he drooled all over himself cause he had worked all day.
Soon after I convinced Fievel to get a ride on the bus. We sat in a snow bank for 2 hours and finally one came to pick us up but we didn't get the system and just found ourselves foolish and scared all day and Night. I didn't return to our hotel until 1am and that was just because I lost faith in the bus system and got a taxi to drive me back.
I've made it home safe and sound after meeting so many people, seeing so many things and doing stuff I didn't expect. Over all I call this trip pure FUN! By the time I returned home I was saying I would sleep 4 3evers which then ment I was just going to have to work! YAY! Back on the job.
I already miss the sunrise in the rockies and just hangingout with my friends making fun of the fat hamster. Its those moments that make everything I do ... worth it to ME!!