Unclaimed

You wouldn't claim me

Loving you is all I ever wanted to do.
For Now its dry tears I've cried, lies and Broken ties.
I am screaming.
Tired of being the one who is always dreaming.
If you help me see the light
I would give miles and miles worth of the most unforgetable smile.
Its for you I am no longer scared to fight.
I would never inflict the pain you have given me upon anyone else.
No longer afraid to walk alone Realizing its all I have ever known.

All alone by myself.

JUST Novembers last days.

Well today I spent alot of time with My Grandma and Breanna. We went everywhere and let Breanna pick out christmas gifts. Yeah cracks me up who would have guessed she could pick out such things? Not I. We went to buy other people gifts and she bought herself alot of her own things. Yup smart kid. Anyhow.. last night I spent alot more time chatting with Buddy Levi and then playing Penguin games with Shaun Bowe. I am so glad I don't have to work tomorrow. The weather is somewhat better but not the best yet.I mean it rained all day and alot of the snow melted ... so in a way thats not even close to better I am not sure at all what the shell I was talking about. If anyone else has a clue let me know. Ah..I am so tired of so many things I am just taking a step back from all the wondering. I mean whats the since in always caring about things that psh.. in the end what are you really going to do about it. So My pal Todd sure knows how to make me laugh http://www.ebaumsworld/ .com oh yeah and did I mention the best Drummer boy quote. ~I love Ruth for letting me call her ninja( p.s. thats a bad ass name) The fun things people say. I also now have the Deers website for incase you get bored and want to check it out.www.geocities.com/shaun_8586Oh boy. So hey I must travel on because its getting late and I have nothing else nice to say. Love ya~Ruth

Kohl came Home !!

Hey Today Kohl came home!! He looks almost like a little monster but I felt so bad for him I bought him his very own little Taco from Taco Bell tonight. Oh yeah and I made sure mike touched it. HA HA JUST KIDDING. Anyways.. I hope you guys all had an awesome Thanksgiving. I sure know that I had a good one. I mean not everyone was there that I thought would be but... It was enough people to make one feel loved. So I ate some Turkey and had some pasta. Larry some because Tia said we couldn't. LOL. Ah the things kids do. Then soon after we were all playing games and laughing about random things. I mean ah.. Card games. I was having a blast though watching Larry and Brandon try to play the famous Chinese rat suckers game. It was just awesome. Made me laugh a lot. Today was some plain good fun with Jenny Hicks. So I was really glad she called. We went to see Jesus and the Arbys gang. It was awesome even if she is grounded again. I mean how lame? Yup but we then went to eat at Fireside because they have fires. Made me laugh a lot. I have talked to the Law Buddy Levi a lot and that always makes me smile. Maybe just maybe he might visit over Christmas break and that would be awesome. I would have to say it would be rather good to see a long lost friend. Oh yeah and I must say I keep saying bad things to him so it sounds so bad when we talk sometimes I mean ... yikes!! I can't believe ME!! Life sometimes its just gotta be life. I guess if it was all easy it just wouldn't mean anything. Oh yeah and tomorrow Jenny and I are supposed to go to a make-up party cause we are too stupid to use real make-up. I was laughing about it. Ah.. Girls who haven't a clue what girls do. Yeah pretty ironic if you think about it. Yeah Mike Declared that we would maybe hangout sometime over "WINTER Break" but meh... Who really can tell? I also heard Renee might come back in town which that would be pretty cool to have them home over the Holidays. Its just new to me though that I have to work right up until Christmas Day. Yikes... Maybe we will get some snow days. HE HE HE the master Plan comes out now. You know Lame pop-ups keep distracting me so Now I haven't a clue what the shell I was going to say. Freakin' AY!! Oh... And yesterday I dropped a dresser drawer on my foot it killed. I thought I lost a toe but nope its still there or at least it appears to be. Yeah so if anyone wants to Post anything on here you still can. Thanks Jake for making sure I know you read it and thanks to anyone else that reads it too I just don't know you read it LOL. If you are wondering though you can post without an account here. Come on people lets not all be slackers in life. Okay or you can. Meh.. Not my problem. I have also been finding it rather strange how someone who is miles and miles away can seem so much closer to you than a person who is standing right beside you. I think its sad how often I feel that way. I know I should be able to feel close to those who are around me the most but in many situations that is just impossible for me. I think that I should maybe try to work on that because I know that I could be missing out on some great things in life. I guess it just hasn't been worth the risk to me yet to change my ways. I keep looking for a reason to let more people in but so far I am just not successful. I hope that I will because the things you learn from the people you do let in are just amazing and they could never be replaced I will See you all later!~Ruth

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Almost turkey day

Hey Its been a long rough week and I however am so tired and its only wednesday. Well Kohl has been attacked and his life is on the line but it looks like he will hopefully make it. I miss him much though. Thats captin one eye. makes me wonder what happen to my Turkey aka Ashley. ah... I sure hope she didn't die horrible.Anyhow.. my good friend Brad from my childhood lost his father this week to so I feel horrible about that and I haven't talked to him in so long I wouldn't know where to find him. Just not my week. Jake did manage to be right and make me smile along with a few others. On Monday is when kohl got beat so I spent my time with Shaun and Seth and came home to a blood trail. Very scary. Then on Tuesday I hungout with Tony and we stopped to see Jenny Hicks for only a minute cause I am forgetting what she looks like. Today was when I worked from 5am to 5pm straight with no break and I am dead tired. I had alot of good laughs from those gee golly good co-workers but ah I am surprised at what I learned. Those people made me laugh alot though. Tomorrow we are going to Tia's house. On Friday we get to go maybe get kohl. I am currently talking to the much loved Levi and he is saying he will be up to visit sometime so I am lovin him like a two dollar whore cause that makes my day. MAYBE NOT but hey sounded nice or like something he would like. Anyways.. that snow is covering the ground. I yelled a sunshine because its all snow.I know he really can't control the weather and it wasn't really yelling cause not all my letters were in caps.. but hey ... I was upset. So hmm hopefully he can forgive me for at least that. I mean he could need someone to go sledding with sometime since Zach never went. Yup... darn that Lucky Charm. Lol okay I am going to go cause now my anger is just going from one person to the next and they didn't do anything. I should mention though that I am getting my wish December 2nd... I WILL BE A WHOLE NEW ME! Like~Ruth

To hate you is all I want to do.

I am so much better when I know for sure I am left alone. It makes me so much more friendly for the next time I meet up with people. Ah.. freakin ay though Levi keeps calling. Its cause I got something he wants. Yeah pretty sad. Anyhow.. tonight was some fun with good ole' Jesus. So ah .. we went and ended up lurking around and we found Michelle aka Hasheeb who I was like what the shell has happen to her but we are all good now cause I know where shes at. Yup. Its all awesome stuff about that topic. We just kept seeing people everywhere. It was so odd. We hardly ever run into people. Yeah I don't know what happen to Tony. I can't remember if I was supposed to call him or not. Speaking of a Tony... I know Hasheebs boyfriend from my long forgotten past and that was a smack in the face today. Yikes. Um work was awesome cause I worked with Dee and she is just plain Funny. I guess she thinks all my jokes are awesome so she speaks about all of them. Kinda hard to believe. So man how things change. This time last year I remember being such a fool not that I gave that up but its amazing how the people who once said you ment the world to them can change in an instant. I still have a hard time understanding but meh... Not my problem anymore. Saying that I was told that Dick is getting out of jail soon so I am all good with that. It will make me happy. I still haven't wrote down all that I did in las Vegas again but lets just say it was something great. I mean White lions, tigers and Dolphins. Then there is hardrock, casinos,showgirls, taxis,buses,Paris,M&M factory,Coke factory,Walking, Elvis, Bugsy, the Flamingo, The penguins, Boats with singing people, almost being mugged, security guards, four hour long parades, Marine Ball, Air planes, Smashing Pumpkins,Lights,weddings, tattoo shops, and plenty more... so I mean it was really long to retype about so meh... once again not my problem. I just lost some spirit today. So many things are just all adding up to suck so I don't mean to be so lame but I am. I did however meet some really interesting kids today. Man oh man to realize that they will never have the simple things that we have such as being able to talk, walk, or be understood. Its just so tragic. Everytime you meet one of these kids who you think was born normal and had some freak thing happen to make them what they are today you are just really sad. Ah.. anyhow Zane just called me and its so not cool some guy got mouthy with him and Picked up a brick to hit him in the face and so Zane has to go get stitches and stuff but of course once you throw a punch at Zane you got another thing coming so ... I really hate that the kid was stupid enough to mess with Zane cause I guess he was left way worst off than he thought he would be. The story was just horrible. I worry about that. So yeah.. freakin stress factors are really annoying. Ah.. not only that I just am not so darn happy anyways. So hey sometime if you forget you have friends... catch me cause it looks like I might need one. Later~Ruth

ah waste of time today

Yeah so I spent all my time and efforts earlier filling this whole thing out and my computer froze and so now look what I have to show for it. Yup my point exactly. Ah... so I am really confused these days what the deal with people is... but what the shell I give up you can't please everyone. I hope tomorrow I will have alot more time to go over my trip once more. It was a huge story. so yikes. I hope Levi was right and he does get to come back cause that would always be awesome and I miss him. so yeah he better. otherwise I haven't much nice to say and I am really mad cause I wrote so much today and it didn't work. Whats that all about? ah anyways take care everyone. Love~Ruth

My Jammin' Jimmi Allen and Breanna!  

amazing water falls in Vegas!

The Penguins in Las Vegas which are my favorite. They were at the Flamingo Casino.

Hey look its what I tell people my next accomplishment will be.. Todd aka Drummer boy formally the other white meat or so he says and I take his word for it. TMWG7: ur my hero lol outrunrain: lol promise TMWG7: i think its definetly safe to say that TMWG7: ha

Las Vegas Baby me and Elvis getting friendly!! He he he  

Las Vegas Baby

Lets all retrace the path that I have taken.. once upon a time I left for a long trip to another side of the country. My oh my what a freakin awesome time. Words can't even describe how freakin amazing the whole thing was.Yeah it also had some scary parts like me going for a palm tree to get away from a person claiming to know me... yeah that was interesting but so not cool. I had to get my picture taken with Elvis cause lets face it ... not many of those in my little town. So yeah ... I would love to stay and type everything about the whole trip but I can't right now... I promise to tell you more as soon as I am caught up from jet lag... I mean I still have to work tomorrow at five am ... not really all that cool. man oh man am I a fool. Anyhow... ah Todd wrote some pretty good lyrics cause he is a good drummer boy and since I am his hero I thought I might mention them. Breaking along the face of an opaquely shape figure was light, Plants weathered and withered, rotting in blight. Beaming from scattered holes along the shed. She was naked, stripped of all her pride, and left for dead. Nothing to live for, everything to die for, encaged in a lifeless contour. No chance to convalesce, none the less. And it's getting colder, it's getting colder. Her life so bland and colorless, none the less. None the less. Cut the light… go away… close the door…it's time to play… she wants more I gotta say. Sitting there oh so content, with the fact that she's dormant. Cold and catatonic, her life's so fucking ironic, cuz the fact that I have one contemplation, the fact is your life aint a god damn sensation. Get the fuck up and get a life, grab a fork and grab a knife, dig right in, it's called a life. No feeling, no remorse your whole life is getting worse. The longer you sit here, the longer you wait, that means less fucking food on your plate… And you say you wanna win, but your lack of drive is doing you in. Realities a bitch you'll find out in the end. Yup and it was Shun Shauns Birthday while I was gone so ... Shout out to him and I hope it was awesome and if not I got you are really cool gift. So ah ... yeah you will like that. Ah .. Pray for the poor kitty of my Deer friend Shaun Bowe because it had to get a leg cut off. freak thing. But its a grey one they like to call...doofy cause ah .. he can't jump much lol! So yeah we laugh but if that were me I would be mad. So hmm.. Okay Nighty Night .. its too late to stay. Catch me if you can. ~Ruth

Shaun Bowe being extra nice to Sponge Bob. Oh my!  

Joe Robbins and I going on a dinner cruise.

Being one of the graduates .. Who would have guessed? 

The deer looking at me like he will hurt me for taking away the corn

Mike Grimm trying to be the smart boy we all know he could be.

My little Breanna with her Sunnies 

Side Kick Ren who loves to play donkey Kong over the phone. R and R for life!

Cassi Clock ... one of the coolest chicks you will ever meet

My Law Buddy Levi.. That I drew from memory cause everyone knows He is lame and hard to find.

ICKY

Figures... Now I am sick and feel really Icky. Who knows what I caught the other night but its just not good. I am so excited to go to Vegas on the 8th. Even though I am sick I have had some fun times. Jesus and I tried to track alot of people down on Thursday night but it seems a thursday night is the most busy night of all. We went to see Roy and the boys. They are nice people just a little scary. Then we tormented some locals. Yesterday I was so sick I missed work in the morning but then I went by the time the afternoon rolled around I was ready to go. Last night I stayed home and enjoyed the time spent listening to my uncle practice. Then I made fun of Lloyd and His friends for the drinking habbits they have. Makes me laugh alot. After that we stayed up talking and then this morning I was still sick so ... it was great cause ah I read somewhere that only the Olive Garden cures illness like mine. Lol so then My Grandma and I went to the Olive Garden and had a good time. We laughed alot at random people. So I was really glad about it. I enjoyed that and plus I think I am cured. Lol I am so proud also I bought a brand new pair of shoes for a dollar. Its a good thing I am planning on staying home cause ah .. I forgot about previous plans and ah .. Lets just say I could be called a few names for being a slacker. I have been excited to because Thanksgiving is coming up and Larry emailed me to say he is coming for sure. So I am looking forward to that cause he is always cool. So yup thats the fun parts of life. Otherwise I am still just me.

You deny the need to Satisfy
Concealed about the way you feel
TORMENTED & DEMENTED
Demolished all the polished
Distress leads to no rest
Hesitation turns to devastation
The once embraced leaves without a trace.




Make me smile and...
I will love you for just awhile.
Tired of catching you when you fall but you won't even return one call.
You love that you come to me when its convenient but I feel sometimes like you are bashing my head on the cement.
You leave me as only a fragment of what I used to be.
You pretend to be so blind choosing not to see.
Its always so true when you come back into my view.
I revert back ready for yet another attack.
Sweetheart you are Tearing me Apart.
I have rolled my dice you seem to be my only vice.
Lets not retrace this path we ALWAYS take lets obliterate from walking along the same line of fate.
You are TOO LATE! It was all fake and all you do is Take.
Everything was MY mistake.
I have lost all FAITH~Ruth

Meh.. plenty more to add

Hey there once again. Gee nothing works as planned. I have tons more pictures to add but yeah ... I am not having the best of luck doing so. Meh.. what can ya do? Anyhow... I have been busy working. Last night Tony invited us over so that I could be the last one to see his new place which was cool. We were having some fun just all hangingout but yeah its really different. I am so disturbed these days with the small things in life its not even funny. I am becoming a bitter person once again. Which I hate about being me but hey... it happens. deal with it. At least the sun is shining today that makes me happy. I decided that its lame that I was okay with being unloved for awhile. I mean what in the world was I thinking. I shouldn't have to just settle for whatever other people wanna give me because it turns out people aren't really in the giving mood. So psh... what the shell ever. I am mad about that. How did I find so many uncaring people to surround myself with? Oh thats right .. they are the fastest to find. Yikes... anyhow I am hoping that tonight we find some fun and I stop worrying about dumb things that don't really seem to matter to anyone but me, well .. I hope to stop because it will be a long miserable endless cycle repeating over and over. One good thing though that I have been so grateful for is more time with my Grandma now that we are working together. I think she is just the type of person I would love to be. I mean she lives without regret and she loves everyone more than she has to and gives the world to anyone who is willing to show her kindness. I just can't imagine being half the person she is. So spending time with her really has been awesome cause she is just that great. Otherwise.. not much else to say because I am still looking for a happy place. take care all!~Ruth

This is my life long goal.. to be the one who fell off. LOL ! JK but hey it made me laugh

shaun bowes gay kitty

BOO!

where oh where to start? So today was kinda awesome and kinda not . Well it was all fun and games for a long time. Jesus picked me up and we went to walmart then Erik took us with him on his lunch to Wendys then we ended up going back to walmart for the supplies we needed. amanda came we dressed up then ... psh went back to walmart for more forgotten supplies. Saw Dick and ah Erik again.Dick was sad that we left him. Yeah I thought he was gonna cry in the oj isle. Ha ha ironic in itself. we also saw the nicest girl in there named Lonni. She is just so great anyways without even trying to be but then we had a hair touching moment and yeah it made me remember the good ole' days in choir which she always got sent out of the room for. Anyhow she is just always so happy and energetic so any day you see her its a good day cause even on her worst you really can't tell lol. Which is awesome cause then you never dred her being around. she is one of the only people I could say hey to all the time and not mind. So ... then we went to the party it was all fun and games til all of the sudden seth spilled hot wax and a candle down my back. YAY! I got burned litterally and it was kinda lame.. but hey it was still fun. We had alot of laughs today and for the most part I don't think I would have wanted to do much else. I just talked to Joe Robbins for the first time in forever she makes me smile. Shout out to Christian before I forget.. he might stummble here I hope. Todd and I just started our own club My oh my he is a good lil drummer boy. The distance keeps us apart or at least thats the good lies I tell myeslf all the time. ha ha . Anyhow.. yeah and I was just briefly talking to Richard.. what a guy, he forgot to say he was walking away from the computer. Meh what can ya do. Mike is in trouble he so didn't see us today. How lame we dressed up really cool and everything. yeah anyhow.. I am tired and weak and yeah catch you folks later. ~Ruth

Joe Robbins and I just before we got shot for attempting to touch the lawn at the white house. Who would have known it would be such a big deal!